Guru’s Stories: I want Pineapple Juice NOW

Halal Food Guru brings you another foodie adventure in this story series for your entertainment.

Let me set the stage. My wife and I were four months into our first pregnancy of our son. My wife was doing really well. No nausea, no vomiting, just super sleepy. She had developed a liking to burgers all of a sudden. That was cool with me.

One day, she approached me in the kitchen and asked…

“I want pineapple juice.”

 

Okay, I thought to myself, we don’t have pineapple juice in the fridge. I didn’t even know she liked pineapple juice. She’d never asked for it before.

 

“I’ll add it to the grocery list” I replied, unaware of the storm that was coming.

“No. You don’t understand. I want pineapple juice, now.”

 

“Okay, I’ll go out and get some for you from Publix (our local grocery store). Let me go change and I’ll go pick it up”. I thought to myself, what a good husband, dropping everything to attend to my wife’s needs.

 

“No, you don’t understand. I want it right NOW” she stated with a sense of urgency.

 

“Okay”, I replied quickly, as I started to grasp the situation unfolding. “I’ll grab the keys and go pick it up for you, I don’t need to change”

 

“No, I’m coming with you.” she retorted instantly. I sensed the desperation, like she didn’t trust that I could handle such a simple task on my own quickly enough.

 

As we drove, she updated me. “I want to sip a glass of ice cold pineapple juice through a straw.”

 

That was rather specific, I thought to myself. But I could get all those items from the grocery store, so no need to change course. I remained silent and kept my focus on the road.

 

“No, I want it in a clear plastic cup with ice cubes, a plastic straw through the middle of the cover. I can see it here in my hand. I can taste it on my tongue.” She held an imaginary cup in her hand and brought it to her face, a sucked the imaginary juice through an imaginary straw. She didn’t even look at me for confirmation.

 

Maybe I shouldn’t have been going to the grocery store. Maybe I should have taken her to the hospital for these vivid hallucination. I dared not suggest it, so I keep silent and keep driving.

 

We were passing a series of restaurant chains on our drive. She yelled, “THERE” pointing at the Red Lobster, a national seafood restaurant chain, “I want pineapple juice from there.”

 

Although confused, I pulled in to the parking lot, I begin to explain that the grocery store was just a mile away and that I didn’t even know if Red Lobster carried pineapple juice.

 

She was silent, but as I looked at her face, she gave me this look.

 

It was a look that I had never seen, nor seen again since. It was a look that terrified me to my core. In that moment, I realized if I didn’t get out of the car immediately, my life would be in danger. Rather than explore that feeling, I jumped out of the car and walked quickly to the restaurant entrance. I didn’t dare look back even once, despite the fact that I could feel her eyes locked on me. I’d been watching too many Superhero movies, because I believed in that moment she could shoot laser beams out of her eyes if I went off course even a little.

 

I approached the counter and asked the lady behind it if they sold pineapple juice. She looked at me puzzled, “No, but the Publix is just down the street. You can get a gallon there”. I wanted to laughed, because I knew that, but my wife’s face flashed before my eyes. Again, at this moment, I believed she had developed superpowers. In an instant, I imagined her morphing into a giant green monster, yelling “Hulk Smash!” because I returned empty handed.

hulk-smashing-loki-avengers-1133866-1280x0
I could see this scene from Marvel’s Avengers vividly flash before my eyes. Except it would be my wife picking me up like a rag doll if I came back empty handed

This was truly a life or death situation, my life to be exact.

 

I quickly explained that my wife was pregnant and she wanted pineapple juice with ice, in a clear plastic cup with a clear cover with a plastic straw. Immediately, she understood. “God bless her heart. We might have some pineapple juice in the back, I’ll go get it.”

 

She came back with a pitcher of the yellow liquid gold. She grabbed the biggest cup, placed it on the counter, filled it half way with ice cubes and then began pouring the pineapple juice. She capped it with a clear plastic cover and popped a straw through the middle. She handed it to me with a smile “this should do the trick”. I thanked her and quickly left.

 

My wife saw me exiting the restaurant, rolled down the window and stuck her hand out. I handed her the glass and like a magnet was instantly attracted to her mouth. I walked around the car to the driver’s side and entered the car. Before I could sit down and turn towards her, an empty cup was waving in my face. There was literally no more juice in the cup. It was all gone. She was smiling. It was done.

Mission Accomplished.

bush
The man that made the Mission Accomplished meme possible

To this day, she has never asked for pineapple juice again. And as for my son, he likes mango juice. Go figure.

 

Enjoyed this story, we have others, like the one about the first time my wife ate Halal Cart Food in New York City.

Are you also a foodie, we have plenty of TOP 5 Lists, like the TOP 5 Burger spots in Orlando or the TOP 5 Halal Cart Food Spots in Orlando and Halal Restaurant reviews on the site for you to look through as you plan your next trip to the beautiful state of Florida. Take some time and check it out.

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